Whatever you love opens its secrets to you

In the past I was a collector of things: nic naks, recipes, art, music, jewelry, coins, hobbies, etc. Now I feel infringed upon by the clutter of such collections. Today I collect sayings; the wise, clever and humorous stuff. Each collection is given a tag of envy to show that I wish I had coined it.
One of the many people in history I admire is a brilliant chemist who came from humble beginnings. He had the tenacity to excell even when public opinion was quite repressive toward his race. This marvelous man created hundreds of uses for the legume commonly known as the peanut. Yes, we all know him as the inventor George Washington Carver. One of the many wise sayings from him is, "Whatever you love opens its secrets to you."
This statement motivated me to find what I love, and I found Philip David Roper. He is my husband and the lover of my body, mind and spirit. By the way, he just happens to love peanuts.
When I first met Philip, I respected his inner self and was quite happy to have him share with me whatever he pleased. The more our love deepened and increased, the more he opened up to me. This is our most meaningful intimacy. It is what we only share with one another. He knows me and I know him and because we truly love one another, our secrets are safe between us.
Philip has taught me through his example that I have a much greater love in my life. He is the lover of my soul, the savior of my life, the creator of my being, the healer of my ills and wounds, the provision, friend, guide and anything I need. As my love for Him grows, He reveals openly His secrets to an abundant life here on earth. There is good news I wish to share with you, He can be the love in your life as well. Call out His name and He will be quick to answer. His name is Jesus.

Day 2 Journal

It seems fitting that I am recording my weight loss in a journal entry portion of my blog that has many recipes from my first novel. I have been hungry today but I did not over-eat. I have felt sluggish due to the never ending rainy season and the grieving of those lost in the last two plane crashes. I wrote a piece about worthiness and am exploring why I am stuck in habits of excessive behavior. I over-eat, over spend and over-do. I am somewhere between being liberated from this slave-like behavior and putting boundaries on me and those who wish to keep me in that old behavior. While I am being introspective, I still want to move away from everything being about me and minister to others who are needy at this time in their life. We all have needs and we all need one another in order to have these needs met. I declare to myself right now that I have embarked on change in my life and I can not do it all by myself. I need God's strength, guidance and wisdom; I need help from other loved ones as well.
So here I am vulnerable and sort of numb, looking forward to progressing a little further on my quest tomorrow. I will tell you how I did in the next journal entry.

Weight Management Journal

Today I am starting on a journey to find my neck. Sometime ago, I started eating large quanities of food and well along the way, somewhere I lost my neck. It just disappeared. Now whenever I look into the mirror, I see this head stuck to a body looking back at me. No neck! It sort of freaks me out to see this stranger looking back a me with that look on her face that seems to say, "You lookin' at me, what's your problem, haven't you ever seen someone without a neck before?"
Another thing that somehow disappeared while I was so busy eating large quanities of food; my waistline is nowhere to be found. For Pete's sake, now I am beginning to look more and more like the marshmallow snowmen I made for my children's breakfast cocoa.
This morning I stepped on the scales and all it registered was ERR. Well that was it. I have had it. Enough. The end. I am starting over. I am tired of being tired. I am sick of being sick. And furthermore, I want my body to have not only a waistline but a real neck. But what am I to do?
I have an idea! I will lose some of the fat on my body and increase my lean body mass. It is time to end this illicit love affair with food. After all, more than half of that food I never even really tasted or even chewed for that matter, I swallowed it down so fast. Yesterday, I ate about 200 tortilla chips with that industrial strength liquid cheese-like substance on it with about one half a jar of jalapeno peppers. I downed those suckers in the movie theater before the coming attractions were finished. I was licking the container when the featured movie began. I feel bad. (It is not what you think) I feel bad because I don't even remember what they tasted like. That was probably the recommended caloric intake for my whole week.
Today is not Monday. I usually like to start my life over on a Monday. It seems like if I decide to change on, let's say on a Thursday, I can reason that I will begin on Monday. That gives me all weekend to visit and say good-bye to the foods that are like bad boys to my normal and sane life; that real life as it should/could be.
Not today; no more putting it off. Today is Wednesday, middle of the week, hump day, the day that is clearly nowhere close to the weekend. It is a day to endure until the weekend. I have chosen not to fear it, but rather to embrace this Wednesday as the 'First Day of the Rest of My Life'. I am not perfect but I do have a great life; filled with all the blessings God has bestowed upon me. I am thankful. So now comes the time of discipline. I have to man-up or better yet, woman-up to the cause. After all, if I don't take the initiative, who will? I was weak but now I must be strong. I was one of those wild wilderness women who took and ate whenever and whatever she wanted. I grazed my way through several continents and made it home again to still continue with the food frenze. I have turned off the porch light at 7:30 on Halloween night just to have all those little bitty snickers bars all for myself. Oh there are more nasty little secrets that I will reveal only as my conscience becomes unseared and I gain liberty to tell it all. Right this minute my lips are sealed and I pray they will stay that way so I will not be forced to place food near them.
This is all for my journal today. I feel I must take a nap and rest my body instead of giving it large quanities of food for it to swallow. Until tomorrow, this is Carol signing out!!